This morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach. That sick feeling I sometimes wake up with and for a moment I don't know why I feel so depressed and lonely. I had a bad dream.
Sometimes I have a terrible dream and my hubby has to wake me up out of it because I am crying. Once in awhile he is surprised to find that I am angry with him in my dream and I not so gently express to him "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!" After a few minutes I am fine and we laugh about it. I tell him all about my dream and secretly it makes me want to squeeze him even more because I know the things I dreamed are so out of character for both of us.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have bad dreams all the time. Just the other morning, I dreamed that I was chatting it up with Matt Damon. (nothing sexual...get your minds out of the gutter ladies). I don't even find him attractive, but it was quite the pleasant dream for some reason. Thanks Mama for calling and waking me from this one abruptly.
This morning it was not pleasant.
I woke up depressed and lonely. I dreamed that my husband had signed up for the Army Reserve without telling me. Ludicrous I know. The really bad part was that he had been called up to go for a tour of duty to Iraq. All I remember is telling him goodbye and being over at my parents home, they were consoling me. I was so angry with him. I was screaming and wailing and pitiful. In my dream, my heart was broken.
When I woke up at 7:16am. I laid there thinking about what I could remember of it. My mind started to wander. I started to really consider what that dream would feel like as a reality. I thought about what I would do without my husband everyday. I started to consider the real Mommies and wives who are waking up each morning without their husbands because they are serving.
I didn't pause enough on Memorial Day. I didn't think and pray as hard as I should have. I was just happy to have my hubby off of work that day, and home with us.
To all the women who wake up like this each morning. I'm going to start praying for you. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I want this war to be over and for our guys to come home. To all the wives and husbands of these courageous men and women, I am thankful for your strength and sacrifice those soldiers can serve our country. So that we can have all that we do, that I take for granted.